Is It Really Worth It?
by prettyedsilence
Summary: A short songfic about Sirius's death. It's sort of a different version of the scene in Dumbledore's office...Anyway, it's my first, so please read and review!


Just to tell you, no, I do not own anything out of Harry Potter, or this would not be fanfiction. And Westlife wrote the song, not me, though I changed it's order some.

Harry looked up from the chair he was sitting in. "If you cared about him so much, why didn't you save him?!"he yelled at Dumbledore."Why couldn't you tell me things?I didn't know I had to study Occlumency harder!How could I know what would happen?This is your fault!"he roared, finding himself standing now, his face livid.He knew he had crossed a line, but he didn't care.Hating hurt just a little bit less than crying did.He'd take what he could get.

But then his anger ran out.All he could picture in his mind was Sirius's face-surprised, not afraid, not even when he went to his death.He should have been afraid,Harry thought bitterly.Anyone who gets that close to me should know better.

The strength in his legs deserted him, and he fell back into his chair.And tears blurred his eyes behind his glasses, blinding him to the sharpness of Dumbledore's office.He saw his friends-Ron, with his brain fried by a Ministry experiment while helping him. Hermione, with a red X kicking her into unconsciousness for the same cause.Neville, who knew he'd be no use, but coming to get his nose broken out of sheer loyalty.Ginny, weeping as she realized she must be going mad, when Voldemort possessed her to get to Harry.Even Snape, the person he possibly hated most in the world, reining in his anger even when Harry saw his worst memories so Harry could go on learning Occlumency to fight the Dark Lord. And Harry cried for them too.

He looked up under his bangs at Dumbledore, fighting to keep his voice working. "What makes it worth it?"he begged.

Dumbledore stood up and came over to his chair, one tear dripping down his own thin nose.

_Hush now, don't you cry,_

_There will be a better day_

_I promise you_

Dumbledore lay an old hand on Harry's shoulder, and told him, "Nothing.And everything."

_We can work it out_

"That's great,"snapped Harry. "Philosophy.Just what I need."

"No," Dumbledore said softly. "But you are old enough now to know. When you were younger...I would have told you something like 'There's always hope', or worse,'Don't worry, take Madam Pomfrey's sleeping draught'.But now..."He leaned down towards Harry.

_You thought it was forever_

_Through any kind of weather_

"None of us know.Anyone who says they do-they are either my better, or lying."

Harry didn't raise his head again, but he listened.

_But someday you will find what you're searching for_

"However,"Dumbledore said, straightening up, "I do know that trying is always worthwhile.It is trying that makes us people.How much we try, and why." He stopped, and cleared his throat wetly. "Your...Sirius was an exceptional man. And I know that one of the many things he always gave his best to you was you, Harry."

"Fat lot of good it did him," Harry said thickly.

"Is that really true?"Inquired a voice by the now-open door.

"Ah, hello Remus," Dumbledore said softly.

"Harry..."Lupin walked across the room.Every movement looked like it was killing him, and pain was etched into every line of his face, but he walked to Harry. "Do you think that Sirius dying can give you an excuse to just give up?"

_Try again_

_Never stop believing _

_Try again_

_Don't give up on your love _

_Stumble and fall;it's the heart of it all_

_When you fall down_

_Just try again_

"Hell yes, I do!"Harry yelled, enraged again. "Sirius was the only thing close to a family that I had!Voldemort waited right until he was the one thing that could hurt me most, and then killed him!Do you think I care about anything else?Nothing else matters anymore!I'm done!"He turned and looked coldly around the room.

"Do you know how many things I've been through?"he asked. The edge in his voice cut, and he was glad. "Let's see, there's been Voldemort oh, say, four times.There was that little thing with my parents-you know, them dying-there's always been the Dursleys, there's been the finding of the person who murdered my parents - or at least made it happen, what's the difference?"He smiled without any sign he had ever known what humor was. "All in all, my life isn't what you'd call something you give up. Personally, for me, it's more of something I would beg to give away."

_You thought it was forever_

_Through any kind of weather_

_But someday you will find what you're searching for_

Lupin bowed his head, acknowledging defeat. Good, thought Harry cruelly. Let them know the truth.What things are really like.

But then Lupin came towards him again, and hugged him. What? thought Harry wildly, How dare he? before he was sobbing in Lupin's arms.And Lupin's shoulders were shaking.Harry realized abruptly that Lupin had lost his best friend that night.

_Smile now, let it go_

_Hey you will never be alone_

_I promise you_

_If you can't fight the feeling_

_Surrender in your heart_

_Remember _

_Love will set you free_

Eventually both of their tears ran out, and Harry slumped back in his chair, exhausted with grief.Lupin stood again, and said weakly, "All we can do is remember now. How can he be gone?"He leaned his head back in misery, and two remaining tears fell down him. Lupin thought about Sirius, the bold man he had always known. His best friend, the one who had had the mad idea to transform into animals to keep his werewolf form company. The guant but familiar face that still remembered how to bare his teeth in that dog-like grin. Who, throught fifteen years in Azkaban, had summoned up the mercy to spare the poor piece that put him there. And despite himself, Lupin's gaze pleaded with Dumbledore too.

_Baby-when your heart is crying_

_It sometimes feels like dying_

_Your tears fall like rain_

_Baby-you thought it was forever_

_You would always be together_

_But someday you will find what you're searching for_

Eventually, Harry fell asleep.The mind and body could only take so much, and he'd taken more hits that day than anyone-except Sirius. Lupin took Harry's limp body in his arms to take Harry to his house.Tonight, he didn't think he could even manage witchcraft.And the task of supporting someone else, especially someone so beloved of Sirius, was a tiny distraction.

As Lupin left, he nodded to Dumbledore, who still sat silent. But he pulled back for a moment. "Is it worth it?"he asked in a low voice.

And Sirius had left one last piece of magic, or Dumbledore worked something quietly, or they all just knew something new suddenly. Because right then, the three - even Harry, deep in his mind - somehow heard Sirius's bark of a laugh once more, and saw him shake his long hair out of his eyes for the last time.

_Don't give up on your love _

_Stumble and fall;it's the heart of it all_

_And when you fall down_

_Just try again_

And Lupin nodded and left.


End file.
